No seriously, I want to marry Mike Rowe.

How often do you turn on the Discovery Channel and see the man you're going to marry? Not that often, my friends. Not that often. And I'm not talking about The Deadliest Catch. Sure there's an age difference. Sure he hosts a show on the Discovery Channel and lives in San Francisco. Sure he probably has a Swedish neurosurgeon girlfriend. Sure the odds we will ever meet are slim to none.

Sometimes you just know. And when I'm eating Kashi 'Good Friends' cereal in the morning and watching Mike get seasick on a shrimp boat in the Louisiana bayou, I know he's the one for me. I love his deep, deadpan voice. His barrel chest. His craggy handsomeness. Those forehead wrinkles! His humor. The fact that he looks like he could fix anything in my house. So what if he can't fix my dripping kitchen sink. He looks like he can. Good enough for me!

"Oh my God, that's my daughter."

I really love 1970s films. They have a look, feel, color, taste, and sound all specific to that decade. Take for example the film Hardcore starring George C. Scott. First of all, the title sequence is absolutely amazing. An old country song plays while idyllic scenes from Christmas in Grand Rapids, MI roll by--the perfect set-up for a film about the underground pornography industry. As much as I love my 1940s and 50s musicals, I get a special kind of inspiration when I watch films from the 70s. I think it was the most innovative decade in film for sure. And I don't understand why films can't still have that gritty, brownish, tangible look to them still. It's absolutely fabulous. It makes me want to go to England and train to be a colorist (at least I think that's what they're called) in the entertainment industry.

And the music! Lord, it's just perfect when George the Calvinist is driving around the seedy parts of LA looking for his lost daughter. It just seems like such a dirty time in our country. Drugs, sex, tight pants, thick ties, more drugs, greasy hair...delightful!

I need an investor, quick!

Okay, so I have this amazing idea for a restaurant. Two actually. The first one is called Picnic. And basically, it's all about the picnic experience. It will feature:

1. classic picnic foods: broccoli salad, carrot salad, corn on the cob, hot dogs, ants on a log, iced tea in a thermos, sugar cookies, pasta salad...
2. the floor will be Astro Turf.
3. Similar to a tatami room in a Japanese restaurant, we will have the Blanket Room. Yes, you will sit on a freakin' blanket on the floor.
4. Separating the tatami rooms will be a wall that is...AN ANT FARM.
5. The tables will be picnic tables, covered with the classic red and white gingham tablecloth.

The sister restaurant will be called Sides. And the food is all sides, no entrees. You can order a one-sider, a two-sider, up to a six-sider! Think of the possibilities...baked potato, mac'n'cheese, mashed potato, sweet potato fries, collard greens, biscuits, cornbread, stuffing, corn casserole...
The decor will be Southern charm, with a bit of Dirty South. Pine floors, white cotton curtains, ceiling fans, rocking chairs, perhaps a front porch to sit on.

My friends also helped to brainstorm on this and I thought, aren't restaurants started by a bunch of friends with one rich friend? Where is our rich friend? We need an investor. I think I've found my true calling...now I needs to make it happen!