You might have relationship problems if...

Sorry, but I'm riffing on Jeff Foxworthy's award-winning comedy bit, "You might be a redneck if..."
I was watching the movie Nine 1/2 weeks. Yeah, it took me a long to finally get around to it. But, oh boy! It was fantastic! I recently watched The Wrestler, and I cannot believe that is the same person. Mickey Rourke, that is. Seriously, WTF HAPPENED TO HIS FACE?! He was smokin' hot in the 1980s. Poor Mickey and his messed-up face. He's still a badass though.

Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. I found their relationship in the movie to be ideal. Like, Mickey Rourke's character is my dream man. That's messed up, right?

I'd like to be here right now...

Faulkner's house, that is.

Sharing a slice of ridiculous

Working a corporate office job can lead to some really random funny emails...emails that perhaps were never meant to be funny or random. Indulge me while I share one of my favorite lines ever...

"A little background on...[blank]...He has extensive experience in a wide range of categories and is especially strong in foods—beef, potatoes, eggs, bananas, raisins, and, of course, milk."

Tell me that's not amazing.

Beginning my menu for future restaurant: Sides

Good ole' Sides restaurant. You're patient. You're ready to be born but I keep putting you off. Mainly because I don't have a dream city picked out or $100,000 lying around. But I will. I WILL, NAYSAYERS!

So once Sides is all decorated with his Georgia pine wood floors, crispy linen curtains, sweet tea in Mason jars, Wednesday turkey meatloaf day, herb garden out back, farm eggs, George Jones playin' in the background...what else ya gonna eat?

How about...

French picnic
Baked brie with pistachios and cranberry, served with Melba toast

Just Beet it
Roasted beets with goat cheese and sugared walnuts with baby spinach and Raspberry-Thyme Vinaigrette

Tybee Island's soup
Creamed corn and King Crab chowder served with cheddar biscuits (yes, that kind)

Southern Decadence
Shrimp and grits in a buttery-Gruyere sauce with peppered bacon

"Shrimp on a Stick"
bacon-wrapped shrimp fried up in a corn dog and put on stick

"Mighty Chili Out poppers"
Bite size cheddar cornbread with green chile chili baked inside

Big Daddy's Bourbon-laced Sweet Taters.
Whipped sweet potatoes spiked with bourbon and sprinkled with brown sugar walnuts

Hippie Aunt
Veggie burger on cracked wheat bread and housemade basil mayonaise

Big Daddy's Heart Attack
Kobe beef and foie gras burger with fried egg, Wisconsin cheddar, and spicy mustard

Dessert:
Sweet potato semifreddo with brown sugar butter warm sauce

Housemade Mexican vanilla ice cream with chipotle cranberry sauce

**the receipt always comes with little pralines for everyone at the table

The original hipster movie?

While watching the 1969 film, John and Mary, I felt like I was in an Urban Outfitters commercial. From Mia Farrow's elvish pixie cut to her stylish babydoll dress to Dustin Hoffman's minimalist apartment to his line of "hey, wanna listen to my records?" to the plaintive soundtrack to their one-night stand, it was like...am I in Williamsburg or what?!

But obviously, this film is way cooler because it's authentically old. I thought it was much better than The Graduate. Directed by Peter Yates (of Breaking Away) it was beautifully done and very much a film of its time. Plus the awkward moments between the couple really made me feel awkward. Gee, I sure wish I lived back then.

Quote of the day by David Byrne

A "livable city" means vastly different things for many people. In Hong Kong it might mean that your family is in a comfortable apartment while you play in the exciting mercantile world in a glass tower overlooking the harbor. In Dallas livability might mean that you live near an expressway that isn't jammed up, at least not all the time, and your car runs most days. For some it might mean super fast Wi-Fi, the possibility of lucky and lucrative business opportunities and plenty of strip clubs. If that's what rocks your boat then try Houston, though to me that city, oil money made physically manifest, is my worst nightmare.

from http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203440104574403293064136098.html

I love you, man.

This movie was okay. But it could have been awesome. How so? A simple plot twist at the end. As Jason Segel pulls up on his scooter to attend Paul Rudd's wedding, he should have objected. And then he should have looked tenderly at Paul and said, "Seriously. I love you, man." Then they should have embraced and gotten married instead. Forget that Rashida Jones! Now THAT would have been amazing. But the studio and homophobic American masses would have never gone for that. Hence, my continued admiration for Mike White, whose film Chuck and Buck is incredible.

Nevertheless, Jason Segel, I think you're pretty cute and I think we would have a wonderful time walking your puggle and being goofy together. Paul Rudd, your sense of humor gets a little too smug with each passing film. You're not that cute, and you're not that funny. Plus, I met you at SXSW and you were kind of a dick.