my dream job.

First off, I don't want to work really hard. I want to sleep until 9, have a nice breakfast, go for leisurely run, long shower, get my hair and makeup did. Then I'll be ready for work. And I'd like to leave by 4. So, basically I'd like to work 11-4. And not on Fridays. I'm not asking for the world here, people. Just a European work ethic. Ahem. Here is my dream job: finding things to make ironic and cool again from the past. I will be paid to convince hipsters that certain things are cool again, and that they should pay three times the price for it. For example, my first task would be to bring back Zima. Zima is a clear malt liquor that frat boys used in part with their date rape drugs on unwitting sorority girls named Chelsea. I remember drinking it in tenth grade, and knowing with the first sip that I was going to feel like crappy shit the next day. This job does exist. I know it. I mean, someone brought back PBR. It didn't just magically reappear again and cost $3.75 at some stupid Brooklyn bar, did it? What else will I bring back?

1. Macramé art. This can be owls, fruit holders, Koozies. The tackier the better.
2. Dreamweavers
3. SAS shoes--"America's Favorite Comfort Shoes". I'm thinking the flesh-colored old lady ones from the 70s.
4. The Dorothy Hamill wedge cut. I've seen this style a couple times, but it's ready for a full-on comeback. It's the new Rachel!
5. Parachute pants
6. Grapenuts (Did they ever go away? Doesn't matter, it's now the cereal)
7. Hootie and the Blowfish
8. Ford Pinto (adds an element of danger)
9. Those clear plastic hair bows with candy in them. I wore them a lot in 1990-1993
10. The acid-washed, wilderness animal T-shirts

Let's get this ironic party started.