Free to be OCD.

I've come to the uncomfortable realization that I am high-maintenance. I have issues. I am weird about...stuff. Sometimes I wonder how I have any friends at all. Here are some of my problems:

1. My small bladder. This physical problem, whether real or imagined, causes me a huge amount of stress each day. If I'm riding the bus in the morning, I can't drink any coffee, because it goes through my system in about thirty minutes. I have this fear of being on public transportation and having to go pee RIGHT NOW. It's happened to me in London while riding the tube. I broke out in a cold sweat/rash because I had to go pee and my stop was like thirty minutes away and there are no goddamn public restrooms in Europe. My biggest saviors were McDonald's and Starbucks because they are American institutions and therefore have bathrooms. Also, I worry about taking road trips with friends. I am the annoying person who has to stop every 1.5 hour. And I'm extremely self-conscious about asking to stop. I see the person inwardly hating me as I timidly ask, "Can you please stop? I have to..." Friend: "I KNOW I KNOW. YOU HAVE TO GODDAMN PEE AGAIN." If I'm hanging out with someone for the day, and it's in a date-like fashion, I don't like having to go pee in front of them more than once. Like, at the restaurant is okay. But if you go get coffee or dessert afterwards and you have to go again...the humiliation! And if there's a long line at the bathroom, I won't stand in it because I don't want them to think I'm taking fifteen minutes to pee. It's a really exhausting situation. I'm worried about future world travel because of my bladder problem. I have considered carrying around a colostomy bag just in case. Plus I drink a lot of water to purify my system. This does not help the situation.

2. Eating in front of people. The only people I can eat in front of are family and close friends. Lunch with someone I just met is terrible. I can't enjoy my meal. I can't make eye contact while I'm chewing or while they're chewing. And people always ask me questions as soon as I put a grisly piece of steak in my mouth. I never order a sandwich with strangers. I am conscious of how big my mouth has to open in order to fit the stacked meat reuben delight inside.

3. Watching movies. I really prefer to watch movies alone. I don't like people having a running commentary, I don't like gasps of astonishment, I don't like chuckles that say, "I understand that this is funny." I fear for my future relationship-wise, because I like to watch a movie every night, but I think my spouse will be offended if I ask them to go in the other room while I have my weekly Ralph Fiennes marathon.

4. Getting ready. It takes me a long time to get ready. I try to enjoy the process. This could mean an hour-long bath, a deep-conditioning hair treatment, a glass of wine, and some hot rollers. People that get annoyed that I take so long annoy me. Life is about moving slow and enjoying putting on your mascara. If you don't understand it takes me two hours to leave my house, then we will have serious problems.

This list will be continually added onto as friends and family helpfully point out my other neuroses.