Sweatin' like a fat girl writing her first love letter.

I wish I could claim that line as my own, but alas, it is from the glossy lips of Miz Paula Deen herself. Paula and I go way back, at least we do in my imagination. I found her memoir It Ain't All About the Cookin' to be inspiring and honest and a pleasurable read all around.

Unfortunately, I just can't get into Paula's Party, her talk show-inspired thang on the Food Network. It's slightly uncomfortable to watch her flirt with all the male guests, including RuPaul. It's slightly awkward to watch excruciatingly thin actresses pretend like they are going to eat the mayonaise-laden potato salad, and then desperately hope the camera cuts away so they can discreetly spit it into the trash. Give me Paula in a beautiful country kitchen any day, by herself, with only some dogs and butter for company. Maybe the Cap'n can stop by for dessert. But I did learn one very important fact, and that is the grand opening of the Paula Deen Buffet at the Harrah's Casino in Tunica, MS!!! Slap my mama, this is exciting. And they have Paula Deen Getaway Packages. For like $98 a night. Mississippi is cheap, y'all. Mississippi casinos are even cheaper.

I have a new love affair with that state. My previous experience consisted of Biloxi (gross beach town) and just driving through it to get to Disney World. Well, my friends, the interior is just plain pretty. Oxford, MS (home of Ole Miss) is my idealized version of a quaint, idyllic town. The gently rolling hillsides, fall color, and roadside stands with Vidalia onions and boiled peanuts fill my heart with joy. I sometimes toy with the idea of going to law school there, just so I can have the Ole Miss experience. They have chandeliers and high heels and catered food at their tailgate parties in The Grove! The men wear Yale blue blazers, Harvard red ties, and white oxfords. Sure, these are people I have nothing in common with, and they would probably look down their Southern blue-blooded noses at me, but that's not the point. I'm speaking in idealized terms. I want my name to be Sue Ellen and my slightly abusive boyfriend's name to be Chip.