If so, I don't wanna grow up. I wanna be a Toys R Us kid forever, just like that damn jingle. I've had some unfortunate "growing up" moments this holiday season, and it's not even Christmas yet. Well, is it growing up, or do I just need to start taking Xanax like the rest of America? I guess we don't know that yet. Anyway, for my whole life, I guess you could call me a "momma's girl," the "baby of the family," you know...a real wimp when it comes to family stuff. I'm the dork who would rather sit at home on Saturday night and watch old TCM Robert Mitchum marathons with their parents rather than go out to a hipster dance party in East Austin.
But lately...something's changed. No, it's not that I'd rather be out partying hard and chugging Lone Stars. I wish that was the case, but I haven't gotten out of my sweatpants in several days. Rather, I'm just annoyed by my family. It doesn't help that my parents are both retired, my brother is home from Alaska for a month, and I just moved back home from Paris with absolutely no idea about my future. So imagine a smallish house filled with four more or less grown-ups wandering around getting up in each other's business day after day. I mean, it's a recipe for disaster. Why has there not been a horror movie made starring Ryan Reynolds about boomerang children killing their parents?
It's not that I'm bored, exactly. I'm very easy to entertain, as long as I can do whatever I want. This means stalking more successful friends on Facebook, knitting ugly scarves for cheap Christmas gifts, scratching my pug's belly, slowly walking around the neighborhood and telling myself it's cardio, re-watching the entire season of Mad Men...look, I just summed up a week of my life. But I have the parents that don't understand privacy. It's considered rude and weird to go in your room and close the door. Also, my parents like to keep up some sort of semblance of a working life, so they get up early and put on real clothes and do little "projects" all day. No sitting down and watching TV until after dinner. I guess it's these strict, arbitrary rules that make them feel like they have a real life, instead of being retired. But it's an unspoken rule that we boomerang children must comply. So even though I would rather stay up all night and sleep until noon and eat Reese's Peanut Butter Puffs for dinner...it's not really "allowed." And I'm already on thin ice with the parents for quitting my (their) supposed dream job, so I play the retirement game with them--minus the decent pension plan and health care.
But what I'm trying to say is that I had a not very enjoyable Thanksgiving, which makes me sad. Parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles...everyone was quizzing me on my future and generally annoying the shit out of me. I had expected warm and fuzzies and instead felt cold and prickly. Does this mean I am finally growing up or that I am just a post-adolescent asshole? I'm guessing both.
On the other hand, I may not be the only one suffering from family overload. Thanksgiving evening, my fifty-year-old aunt snuck out of the living room where we were all gathered, then sheepishly sent a mass TEXT to everyone saying her thanks and goodbyes...
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