peeing in the woods.

I have lived in Portland for only two months, and yet I have peed in the woods three times here. How is that possible? I have peed outside more in this city than at any other time in my life. Does this mean my bladder is shrinking? Am I in a higher-density of wilderness more often? Do I secretly enjoy getting in touch with nature? Perhaps all of the above are true. But it's not exactly pleasant, and I've only had toilet paper with me once. Let's go over the three situations that have caused me to pop a squat in the clover.

1. Driving to the Oregon coast in a Zipcar MiniCoop convertible. It was one of the most beautiful drives I've ever done, also enhanced by the fact that I was in a convertible (for the first time!) and blasting R. Kelly loudly, and without mercy. There are little to few gas stations on this somewhat treacherous climb through the forest, and when I came to a "scenic overlook", I put it in park and scampered away to a heavily wooded area. Almost fell into the ravine, but a successful attempt nonetheless. Also helped that I was wearing a dress.

2. Hiking in Multnomah Falls. This was a given. I knew it would be a two-hour hike, knew I would be hydrating frequently from my Nalgene bottle, and knew looking at waterfalls in the gorge would only enhance my need to pee. People did seem to pop up on the hiking trail without warning, so this was a little scarier, but I got through it with nary a poison oak rash!

3. Washington Park in kinda sorta downtown Portland. It's an oasis of woods that houses the Rose Garden, the Japanese Garden, and a Holocaust Museum of sorts. This was a low point for me, as it was not in the wilderness, and I had drunk half a bottle of white wine with a friend in a clearing. As we somewhat clumsily made our way back to the city, I had a panic attack to pee that only alcoholic beverages can bring on. I clambered up a steep hill and tried to hide between a big fir tree. At any moment a homeless man (most likely) or happy couple (also likely) could have seen me. But apparently, this was a good hiding area, as I spotted several condom wrappers and blankets as I peed. Well done, me!

I hope to not urinate in the woods for the next six months. Seeing how fall is coming, I predict lowering one's pants in the woods in a chilly climate will be that much more unpleasant. And breezy!