I have all these screenplays rolling around in my head and laptop, but I just can't seem to sit down and finally finish them. Instead, little scenes flit through my head at night and keep me up. I can't tell you the number of times I've had AMAZING ideas float by as I'm drifting to sleep.
"I'm gonna get up and write that down," I tell myself sleepily. "Oh, no, errrrmmmm, too tired. But it's so amazing, I'm SURE I'll remember it in the morning."
Of course I never do. Which is why I'm starting with a short film. It's called "Brunch" and it's about two girls going out to...well, brunch.
“Brunch”
The scene:
Two twenty-something girls over-trendily dressed, in line at a coffee shop with requisite Mac laptops. Both order ridiculous coffee drinks:
Coffee guy decked out in cardigan and non-prescription glasses: Hey.
Susie: Hi. Um, where is your soy milk from?
Guy sighs. It’s from a locally owned farm five minutes outside of Austin. It’s harvested using only solar panels and workers from a halfway house in a cooperative program designed to create productive members of society while also teaching them sustainable farming methods and where to buy TOMS shoes.
Susie: Ok great. Can I get a salted caramel soy latte no whip?
Liz: Yeah, and I’ll just have the Oaxacan blend with rice milk and low-glucose plant extract, thanks.
Girls go sit down at table in corner, pull out laptops, iPhones, text and type for two minutes without a word until Guy brings coffee over.
Susie: OMG I’m so stoked about brunch today!
Liz: For realz. I’m starved. It’s like, can I go nom nom yet?
Susie: No…we’ve got an hour. New hours: four to six now.
Liz: God, I’m so glad they pushed brunch hours back. It’s like, what kind of person gets up before 2 on a Sunday??
Susie: I know, totes! Like, if you’re at all cool you’re out partying all night and a decent hangover should take several hours to recover. Two to vomit. And two to watch a Real Housewives marathon.
Liz: And two to pick out a “I’m hungover but still cute in my jeggings look!”
Both laugh.
Susie: Omg. Zach was out with Ariel last night.
Liz: OMG. WTF. IRL?
Susie: Oh, god no. That would be so effed. But they were tweeting each other all night.
Liz: So tacky! Did they check each other in on FB?
Susie: Totes did. And he made her the mayor of Common Grounds, which used to be OUR fair trade free wifi coffee shop.
Liz: Eff him, Susie. You can do so much better. Like he does not deserve you. Like you are better than him.
Susie: I know. You’re so right. Girl power. Like I just wanna go home, put on my Victoria’s Secret sweat pants, and watch Oxygen and eat Weight Watchers three point desserts.
Liz: But Suze, we’ve got brunch!! Look, we’ll totes get a mimose. Or a bellini and and a Bene.
Susie: Bene?
Liz: Hello, Eggs Benedict? Grab your tote and let’s get the eff out of here.
Susie gets busy on her iPhone when she hears a ping.
Liz: Did he DM you?
Susie: No. He commented on my status update on FB.
Liz: Who friended who?
Susie: he did, but I followed his tumblr and reblogged his cat photo.
Liz: what’s your Netflix compatibility?
Susie: only 65% but we share a love of local indie rom coms starring Michael Cera.
Liz: Did he like your Vimeo profile pic?
Susie: He hasn’t seen that one but it’s the same as my OKCupid and he totes thinks I look like Kate Bosworth in it.
Liz: What’s his graphic tee shirt selection like?
Susie: He’s got some vintage Yacht Rock bands and a fair amount of camp counselor, plus some decently obscure East Coast public access children’s TV shows thrown in.
Liz: Loves.
Susie: I know, right? And did I tell you he bought one of my hand-sewn birdhouses on Etsy?
Liz: The one out of buttons or shells?
Susie: Neither. The one out of dead baby birth certificates and wine corks.
Liz: Oh god, that one was so expensive!
Susie: I know, right. It has to mean he likes me. He said he’s gonna use it for his wallpaper in his Pilates room.
Liz: Suze, you guys are like soul mates. You HAVE to at least sext with him.
Susie: I know, I know.
Girls get up, grab purses, and leave coffee shop.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Awesome!
I think this is a better version of the Portlandia skit where they try to eat at Gilt Club and get totally distracted by finding out where their food came from (a total hippie commune farm).
Only I like the tech/catty girl bent of this piece quite a bit more than simply mocking the shallow interest of trust-fund hippies in where their food comes from.
You should hit up SNL or something! Maybe you could be a freelancer for some of their skits.
Hah, thanks Tim! I'm glad you like it. My friend and I have talked about directing and "starring" in it when we get some free time. And yeah, I was a little bit inspired by "Portlandia"...I think the show captures that silly town pretty well.
hahahaha omg loved. I felt like I was sitting right next to those girls hating them.... :)
Post a Comment