Can we all please stop having foodgasms?

I used to write restaurant reviews for the Daily Texan newspaper and it. Was. Awesome. I didn't get too high-falutin' or big for my britches. I just went to decent restaurants and tried to get a story out of it. Best job ever. But lately...I'm just really annoyed by the whole restaurant/food truck/pop-up shop/soup on a bike thing. Why has the food scene become so trendy-licious? It's local this and sustainable that and Basque fusion bullshit. If I have to read about someone going "nom nom" or having a one-night stand with their Chicken-n-Waffles or combining Korean and Mexican to make French crepes or how there's this amazing food truck but you have to get the secret password from Twitter to find it and then guess what's on their daily menu and if you guess wrong you're not getting jack-shit and OMG have you tried sow's ear???? It's like the best thing I've ever put in my mouth!!! I eat weird parts of pig because I want to appear cultivated and European!!! High-end BBQ! Reverse late-night happy hour brunch explosion!!! Salmon foam and artichoke-pumpkin seed mousse! Fusion!!!

Okay I'm done. Review below:


"Come for the mezzes, stay for the belly dancers"

Don’t be fooled by the somewhat seedy appearance of Ararat Restaurant. Located on 111 East North Loop, the restaurant sits on a strip surrounded by such hipster havens as Monkeywrench Books and Room Service, a vintage furniture store.

The interior is welcoming and warm, if a bit threadbare. Walls are covered with Turkish tapestries and one can sit at a regular wooden table or a low round table with cushioned stools if you’re feeling more adventurous (and flexible). Ararat is a popular place to bring large groups of people, and something I would definitely recommend, as my party of two felt very lonely at our small table. Belly dancers make their appearance on weekends, but come prepared with $1’s so you can tip. The music was enjoyable, but way too loud. It made conversation with the waiter and my dining companion difficult, if not impossible at times.

The outside garden was festive and fun at night. The ground glittered with glass rocks and there were Christmas lights strung about. One large party was seated at a low table in the back patio, which can accommodate up to 25 people. It was definitely the best seat in the house.

The family style option is the way to go, especially if you have a party of four or more. Though pricey, it allows you to get a nice sampling of all the restaurant has to offer. At $25 per person, it includes mezzes (appetizers), entrée, pita bread, dessert, coffee, corking fee, tax, and gratuity. I regretted not bringing another two people and a bottle of wine, because Ararat is also BYOB. The family style prices ranged from $15 to $30, and our waiter encouraged us to go for the $25 meal in order to get the grilled beef and chicken.

Our first mezzes included hummus, baba ghanouj, tabouli, maust museer, dolmeh, patlican, and warm pita bread for scooping. The hummus, a beautiful mustard color blend of garbanzo beans, garlic, spices, and tahini was delicious. So was the baba ghanouj, an exotically spiced blended eggplant dip. The dolmeh, grape leaves stuffed with rice and nuts, were way too small. They should skip the patlican (fried eggplant with yogurt cucumber sauce) and supersize the dolmeh. The tabouli suffered from too much parsley.

Unfortunately, after the mezzes, my companion and I were comfortably full. But the fun had just begun. Brightly colored Fiesta bowls filled with grilled lamb, beef, chicken, shawerma stew, chole, Persian rice, bulghar wheat, and maust museer soon arrived. The mansaf (roasted lamb with rosemary and garlic) was our favorite dish of the night. The lamb was tender and the garbanzo bean carrot sauce absolutely divine. The other grilled meats were uniquely spiced, but we were too full to appreciate them. The stew and grilled vegetables paled in comparison.

The dessert was the smallest dish of the night, which was just as well considering the mountain of meat we had indulged in. It consisted of a tiny square of baklava surrounded by three puff pastries and drizzled with Turkish coffee chocolate sauce. But the iced Turkish coffee was the winner as our perfect complement to our hedonistic meal. My dining companion and I waddled out into the night with mounds of leftovers and stuffed smiles of contentment.

(More reviews found at www.lindseykate.yelp.com)

Tony's Southern Comfort: a place for fatties

I really miss this restaurant. It was in a dirty, dingy part of East Austin that served up the best fried chicken'n'waffles in town. Plus they had their pies displayed up front. I judge most of my restaurants by the standard of: do they display their desserts on card tables in the center of the room? Tony's did. Anyway. I reviewed it in The Daily Texan. But apparently my review didn't draw enough fatties because it closed that same year. Sob.

Blink and you’ll miss it. Tony’s Southern Comfort Restaurant, located at 1201 East 6th Street, is a tiny joint with big, big chicken. If you want hearty comfort food, you’ve come to the right place.

Start your meal with the chicken “drumets”--a good-sized basket of fried chicken wings complete with spicy dipping sauce ($5.49). You’ll need it to prepare your stomach for the overload of fried meat headed your way. Tony’s boasts the infamous “chicken and waffles” dish ($7.59) and if you’re not careful, it can do you in. The golden chicken breast is hand fried and the perfect salty counterpart to the moist, chewy Belgian waffle it rested on. Be forewarned, it is not a dish for the weak of stomach.

If you’d like a little more variety, the “comfort entrees” come with two vegetables of the day and your choice of yeast rolls or jalapeno cornbread. Do not underestimate the sides, as they are just as flavorful as the main course. The mustard and turnip greens, a true Southern dish, are cooked in bacon with just the right amount of bitterness. Be sure to add some Louisiana Supreme hot sauce to them as well. Black-eyed peas, normally thought of as “New Years’ Day only” dish, are also excellent. My favorite had to be the decadent mac’n’cheese—truly a dish in which you can taste the home cookin’.

Fried pork chops tenderloin ($8.79) is also a dish unique to the South. Don’t knock it till you try it. You can get the pork chops not fried, but why would you want to do anything as silly as that? If you’re not a chicken fan, this is the way to go.
However, you can’t go wrong with anything involving the words “fried” and “chicken.” The fried chicken breast was an inch thick of perfectly tender white meat covered in crunchy batter. It was without a doubt the best fried chicken I have ever had, and I’ve had a lot of fried chicken in my time. It’s hand-breaded and deep-fried, which are two of my favorite adjectives involving poultry.

It sounds impossible, but at least try to save room for dessert. The banana cream pie, a steal at $1.59, has a creamy yellow filling topped with real whipped cream. The Nilla wafer crust is, of course, homemade. However, it might make deep breathing difficult by the end.

If you're in need of comforting--or just the best fried chicken ever—head on over to the east side of Austin. Be prepared for serious eating; skipping breakfast and wearing elastic waist pants are both highly recommended. Before you leave, be sure to admire all of Tony’s pies on the table in the front. You probably won't get to them all, but that's what next Sunday is for.