insomnia.

Don't sleep with an obese pug. It may seem like a good idea because it's cold and sleeting outside and your pug is so fat and warm and generates heat like a wood-burning chimney. But the pug also has a ragged stuffed animal pig that it must suckle every night because it was taken away from its momma pug too soon. My ex-boyfriend once made the insightful comment that her suckling sounded like "a butt munching on diarrhea." Yes, my friends. He was a poet and didn't know it.